I’ve recently discovered…
yeah right - I’ve known this all along… ;)
I’m selfish.
When our first child came along, it was tough because I couldn’t live life as I did before. But after awhile, we found a way to still take him places and still sit down and relax (even if it was after he went to bed). Enter child number two…I have to say, this adjustment has been more difficult.
With 2 kids, at least for us, there is no real break - someone always needs something or supervision. There was no where to go in the house where somebody wasn’t, or wouldn’t be. Yes it will change over time as they get older, I know, but it has cramped my style and made me have to do even more. And it has showed a side of my selfishness that even I didn’t know the depth of… And it’s not as if I’m sad or angry to have both kids. I can’t imagine my life without them. I’d be devastated if something ever happened to them. God has blessed us with two cool kids who matter so much to us, and to God.
I love my kids…
I’ve just been faced with how much more naturally I love myself… and my time… and my comfort… and doing my own thing. And that doesn’t work when you have children… at least not if you want to be the parent your kids need you be. I’m amazed at how easy it is to love me… and all I want to do. And just how far away I am from being unselfish, whether it be with my kids, my wife, my family, my friends, etc… I’m grateful for the opportunity to be different. I need to be different, not just for my kids - but because I am called to be different, and to live differently.
Has anyone else experienced a time/moment where you were so aware of your selfishness? Did/Does it matter to you? Have/Did you change? How?
—- About the picture: (It’s a funny picture… but can be all too real. I pray I am never that selfish/distant from my kids) Picture from an article by Deborah Ross called “Buzz off kids! Mum’s watching Supernanny” —-
