The night before Brennan was born, Corrie and I sat in the bed looking forward to when he would arrive, but also grieving some of the freedom and easiness of life that would be going away by having children. I think I might have grieved and struggled more when Brennan finally crawled out of his crib last month. :)
For those of you who do not know our boy… let’s just say - he’s active. And at least in the crib, there was a nap-time and night-time restrictor to his activity. And very selfishly, I got some down time. But now… It was big-boy bed time, and lots and lots of freedom inside his room. And less downtime, for me. (I’m wondering if the “me being inconvenienced” theme is coming through yet? Don’t worry, it still might). Some our friends suggested closing the door and putting a child-proof door handle on that he couldn’t open. Either they hadn’t met my wife or had a momentarily lapse on who she is… so, um no, we will not be using that method I was reminded (I happened to be somewhat intrigued by the suggestion myself). Corrie liked the suggestion from a friend of putting a gate up, but leaving the door open so he could still see us but was also restricted to staying in his room. (I thought, “that will be fun”, we can allow him to stand there and express his appreciation of the gate all night long.) “Yes, absolutely my love, that definitely is the best way… love you”. :) How has he done this last month you ask? Well…
- 3 full empties of all his clothes from the dresser thrown all over the hall, earned his drawers to be tied together… that was fun watching him try to open that the next night.
- Countless “Thomas and Friends” trains flying at our door, earned a Thomas free zone in the bedroom.
- A couple of “strip naked and pee on the carpet” times, earned some duct tupe on the tabs of the diaper so he at least couldn’t get his diaper off.
- A brighter night light that “encouraged” longer playing time at night, turned into a dimmer night light that provides just enough so you don’t run into anything
- Bedtime is 8:00pm, not sure we’ve had a night where he went to sleep before 9:15… the latest being after 11:00pm. And the obvious get out of bed and call for us times throughout the night too, at the gate… (Maybe that’s on par with others experience of this transition, so that could be normal I guess.)
- I swear we’ve used every method we’ve heard about, before realizing consistency was what we/he needed - including…
- Keep picking him up and setting him in his bed, without saying anything to him or cuddling him
- Letting him cry and throw his tantrum and wait for him to wear himself out
- Laying in the bed with him till he was drowsy or feel asleep
- Sitting in the hallway, yelling at him to get in bed every time he got out
- Getting mad at him (a given I guess)
- Having my In-laws put him to bed or lay in there with him
- Hold the door closed so he couldn’t open it in hopes he’d give up and get in bed (yes, I snuck this one in a few times…)
- Close our door and pretend we can’t hear him
- Cry…
He’s getting there. He’ll get there. … and then Bailey will start this process. A few friends and family have given us the “This too shall pass” or “You’ll wish these days are back, just wait till they are teenagers!” Those little statements actually help us, you don’t feel alone and others have been there… and survived. Most of all, I want to make sure I don’t feel so inconvenienced, so frustrated… so selfish - that I miss helping Brennan (and Bailey) transition the way they need too, and miss those special moments you never get back if you miss them, all while waiting for them to grow up faster. I need to be their Dad and help them do things right, without breaking their spirit. I’m not a very good behaviorist at heart (maybe that’s bad as a parent), but it seems like everything right now is helping them and teaching them behavioral things. I want to help them go beyond just behaving right in his life; to living right, inside and out - and I do think that goes beyond just behavior. I think Jesus points to that very theme with the Pharisees for our overall lives. [ref] Matthew 23:25-27 (New International Version). 25 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. 26 Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean. 27 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. [/ref] But it still seems mostly about behavior right now, which tends to be somewhat frustrating for me. It’s also difficult at times to know the best way to teach them things, each kid responds differently to different punishments. Raising children is hard… but is so cool and worth it (most of the time). :) I am so grateful for both of them. Anyway, I hope you laughed some and thought of your own experiences will this, or other things with kids, or other stories you have heard about kids. I look forward to hearing some of those stories…
