Home

Chris Kozacek

Striving to live and write, honestly and authentically... as me.

Recent Tweets @chriskozacek

Posts I Like

“how metrosexual is your worship leader…?”

: Cover of Stuff Christians Like

While leading Communion last week, we wanted to emphasize a little about community and what it takes in relation to church - with our group.

So I had been reading the book - “Stuff Christians Like” (yes, it’s satire) and I came across a little section on “how metrosexual is your worship leader?” (see below)

Here are a sample of what I read (from the book) of the scoring system, to see how you worship leaders scores:

Book caption: “When you tell someone about your church, there’s unfortunately not a standard system to describe the degree of metrosexuality your worship leader posses. Wouldn’t it be awesome to say, “You’ll love my church and the music. We have a 78-point metro-sexual worship leader”? Or if you were driving by a church and you saw a hip-looking “42” in the corner of the sign, you’d know instantly how metro the worship experience was going to be…”

7. Owns white Puma, Vans, Asics or Diesel sneakers… +2 for each pair

9. Wears designer jeans on stage… +2

10. Wears designer ladies jeans on stage… +4

11. Wears Wrangler or Rustler jeans on stage… -3

12. Has a goatee… +2

14. Drinks coffee on stage… +1

15. Drinks some kind of coffee you did not know existed… +2

16. Brings a French press on stage and makes his own coffee during service… +5

18. Good at Frisbee but hates getting all “sweaty”… +1

23. Wears a winter knit hat even in the summer… +2

24. Reads quotes from the Bible between songs using his iPhone or Kindle… +3

27. Cringes a little when people say the “H word” (Hymnal)… +3

31. Wears a tie… -1

32. Wears a tie as a belt… +2

36. Has a tattoo… +2

37. Has a visible tattoo… +4

45. Twitters and updates his blog while leading worship… +2

46. Read the last line and laughed at how outdated twitter is because he’s already using some sort of hologram technology the rest of the world won’t find out about for three years… +4

Although very funny, there is some truth to how many of us do church. We pick churches based on our needs, or leave if they aren’t fulfilling our needs enough (I admit I’ve been guilty of this before, how about you?). It’s hard to stay in community and commit to a place… or more, a people. So we look at things like:

Is the Pastor funny enough or a good enough speaker/teacher?
Is the music just my style, is it what I prefer?
Do I get enough out of this church - are my needs fulfilled (or my families needs fulfilled)?
Do they have a nice enough building? Are the carpets, bathrooms or foyer clean enough?
Do they provide good enough coffee and doughnuts?
Is there someone to make/cater food for our class, or set up our tables and chairs - or do we really have to do that?
Do they teach and talk enough about being happy and how to get all I want in life and stay away from that controversial stuff; like having to change things in my life, taking Jesus and His words seriously, or sacrificing things for others, or getting involved with others (including worst of all, spending time with people not like me… yikes)?
Does the pastor/church make sure we all feel good by pointing out how every other Christian congregation/minister and people group is inferior to our group/church, and make sure we know that, “yup, we are the stuff” and “every other christian not associated with us is jacked-up and away from the truth”?

This list could go on and on… and on. And not that there aren’t important questions in there or places we just don’t fit.

But do we ever ask…

“Hey, how can I give here? How can I serve the body? Is this a place where I/we think God could use us at right now? Can we be real here? Can we walk this life together with these people? Is there an emphasis in taking the “Good News” to others, where they are at (and is it truly Good News and not just strict morality)? Is there kindness, respect, authenticity, accountability, truth, love and grace among this group of people? Is Jesus the center here, and the Bible modeled and taught as our source for truth and life?”

I hope I ask some of those questions… not just to find what is best for me and my family, but to find a place and a people that we can commit to for however long we are given, and who are truly a community who looks after those within and constantly meets and sits with those who are not yet within and around the fringes.